Tree of life - Institute for the Development of Human Values

This event happened on a business workshop on communications. It shows how sometimes we will be challenged, and how our response will determine the course of mutual exchange and behavior.

As I explained a point on the screen in front of the fifteen listeners, mostly educators, one of them (we can call him John) stood up and exclaimed: “This is a complete nonsense.” When I turned around, to my surprise and wonder of other participants, there was one attendant of the workshop standing vividly upset with what I just said. You could tell that he is not ready to withdraw his words. On the contrary, he refused to accept any argument from the other participants who were supporting my claim.

At such moments it is easy to take things personally and try to protect your view through arguments and explanations. My response was: “If I understand you properly John, your opinion differs from what I just said.” John was still in his mood and continued: “Yes. Only a fool can think in this way.”

There was electrified silence in the room for a few moments. Everyone’s eyes were on me, waiting for my response. “Let’s agree that we disagree at the moment and see what will come about in the next sessions of the workshops. Is it okay?” John nodded silently, keeping serious look at his face, and added: ”Ok.” His demeanor showed that he is still ready to fight for his cause.

The workshops continued in friendly manner. At the end of the set of eight workshops I asked participants to tell what they will take away from the workshops. They had chosen different points they appreciated and then it was John’s turn to say something. You could sense in the audience that most of us were very interested in what will John say. He started in reconciliatory tone: “I liked the most when I attacked you and you did not fight back.” Most of the participants in the room, included me, smiled.

John’s example shows how our talk speaks more about us then about others. If we take the words of others personally, we will not be able to be there for the person and in this way we would miss an opportunity to contribute positively to someone’s life. If we can stay present for the feelings and needs of the person, we can sense a positive shift in their thinking, feelings and behavior and help them connect with deeper aspects of their being, which may enable them to look upon the matter at hand with a different, clearer vision of reality.