Interview Vani Seva featuring Goran Pejakovic
V.S.: How understanding of human needs can help us to lead better life, make advancements in life and spirituality, prosper and have better relationships?
G.P.: When we talk about the needs and values actually we are really talking about what is most important to us. This constitutes our personality and our life. If we, in communication with ourselves, are more aware of our needs and values, which we would like to have in our lives, we can connect much better to ourselves and at the same time connect with others at the same level. Because the needs are something that is the same in every person and every need is okay. For example, everyone has a need for love, understanding and respect… When we speak on that level, we understand each other. This is a human level on which we are speaking universal language where everybody is on the same wave length. If I say I'm hungry, I need food, everybody understands that food is something that you really need. We all have same real needs.
Sometimes people mistake strategies for needs and that is the place where it can get to a different level which is not helpful. Needs are very important because if I know what I need and you know what you need then we can communicate on the level of solution. Otherwise, probably I will speak about what I don't need and you will speak about what you don't need. There is no amount of what we don't need that will make us happy. For instance, something happened and we agreed that you will do something until 12 o'clock and you didn't do it and I need it. I can say “You are so lazy”. At that point I'm not connected to my needs. I'm connected to what I don't need, that is assaulting you and giving you a bad names and etiquettes. If I connect to my needs through feelings; “How do I feel when you are not coming on time? I feel disappointed. What do I need? I need security that when we agree upon something that everyone follows it. Okay, so what can I do now? I can speak with you and see how we can arrange our meetings to prevent this from happening, in other words, for everyone to be able to come on time.”
V.S.: What is the difference between needs and wants?
G.P.: Needs a something that is common denominator to every human being. We all have the same needs. Wants are actually strategies how to achieve the needs, how to satisfy our needs. Both are important. Needs are identical to all of us. Strategies for satisfying those needs can be completely different. For instance; I have a need for recreation and you have a need for recreation. We can agree and understand each other on the bases of this need. It can be that the way you partake in the recreation is completely different from how I do it. For example, I play basketball, but for you it's better to drive a bicycle, to dance or to do something else. Strategies can differ, needs we share. This is the first difference.
The second difference is that needs never contain any reference to someone else doing something. For instance; if I say “I'm hungry”, this is a need. However if I say “I need you to buy me food…” this is not my need, this is a strategy. So “I'm hungry” is a need and “I want you to...” that includes someone doing something, is strategy. We can even use the word “need” in the sentence like “I need you to go..” and still this would be a strategy although it seems like this is a need. I can go and buy my food, you can go with me to buy my food, you can go and buy me my food, I can ask someone else etc. These are all different strategies for the same need. So we need to understand the difference between this two. If I have a need for knowledge I can go to college, I can go to high school, I can go for PhD, I can study for myself… these are different strategies. The other way around; if I say “I have a need for position” what is actually a need behind it? Maybe I have need for respect, maybe I have need for security that I will be able to influence some area etc. When we find the need behind the want, we as a leader should always address needs not the wants. That is a big step forward.
V.S.: You mentioned that we need respect, love etc. but specifically in relation to respect, we learn in the spiritual process that we don't want respect. It sounds a little bit self-centred or selfish.
G.P.: When we speak about love and respect, our thinking is that everybody deserves love and respect, is it not? That means that it includes us also! As people use to say; “You begin your voyage of loving the world at home”, you start with yourself. If I do not love myself, how would I be able to love you? If I do not respect myself, how would I be able to respect you? If I don't understand myself, how would I be able to understand you? If I don't take care about my physical needs, how will I be able to take care about your physical needs?… If I do not recognize that my needs are normal, common things, then I cannot appreciate when someone else has the same needs. Everything starts at home. If I'm hungry it will be difficult for me to distribute food to other hungry people. If I feel I need understanding, it will not be easy for me togive understanding for others, as I am lacking it. Respecting myself and others at the same time means sustainable life.
It is very important at first to take responsibility and care for our own emotions and needs. Otherwise we can emotionally starve ourselves and become emotionally needy people. If we expect others to take care about our emotions and our needs then we are not doing our own obligation to ourselves, our job. I'm responsible for my needs, that means I'm responsible for my feelings too. If I want to take responsibility for my feelings I need to take care about my needs. Most of the people focus a lot on thinking with their head. However if you want to connect with yourself then you have to go to the heart and connect with your emotions. Through feelings you connect with the present moment that is connected with the present need in the background. To be able to take responsibility for the feelings we have, we need to satisfy the needs. When we find out what is the need behind it, we are searching for proper strategy to satisfy it. After the needs are satisfied, our job is done for the time being. For instance; if I'm hungry, my emotions can be unpleasant, like feeling disturbed or something, then I understand my need for food. If I choose a good strategy and eat nice nourishing meal, then I will be satisfied and unpleasant emotions will leave. On the other hand if I chose a strategy that didn’t satisfy my hunger, then the unpleasant emotion will come again stronger to show me that need is still not satisfied. In this sense, needs are very, very important on all levels; physical level, mental level, social level and spiritual level.
Who or what will be the strategy for satisfying our needs can be different. For instance; among spiritualists someone could say “I need security” and that person will start chanting Lord’s names immediately or praying to the Lord. Why? Because I know Lord is my security. Someone else who doesn't have this spiritual side will pray maybe to demigod or some person or someone else, or he will try to do something on his own to satisfy the need. For the devotees it is easy because we always have this “God factor”, this God factor that we can always say “I need love…” okay, “Please Lord, show me your mercy. Show me that I'm really eternal, full of knowledge and bliss, that I'm really part of you, that you love me…” in such a way. There is no contradiction. If I don’t love myself than it will be hard to love others.
V.S.: What is your understanding of spiritual needs? Can you give me some examples of spiritual needs?
G.P.: When we speak about spirituality we speak about purpose in life. Most of us want to have purpose in life. We want to know why we are here in this world. We can pray to the Lord to reveal us the purpose of life which is according to His wish. Then we can have a mission in this life which is according to talents and capabilities He gave us. In Bhagavad-Gita there are two verses that are mentioned twice, one of them is man-mana bhava mad-bhakto and the other one that speaks how important it is to do your duty even if you are doing it imperfectly. That is better than to do duty of another person. In this sense what is your purpose here with this body to help you to achieve spiritual goals is also there. So what is my mission? Why am I here? O, my sweet Lord, what is my mission for you here? We can connect whatever we do with spirituality. We can spiritualize things by offering these things to the Lord. Some people say; “If I do something in life, will it really help me become the best person that I can be?”. In this way, I think will this help me to become more connected to the Lord. In the long run, I choose strategies which will help me become more connected to the Lord and what he wants from me. When we are connected in love constantly, we will understand.
